At what age can children decide which parent they want to live with?

In New York, the courts generally decide which parent is the primary residual parent based on a number of factors (parent’s ability to provide for the child, parent’s stability, parent’s lifestyle, etc.) and ultimately what is for the best interest of the child. Once the custody arrangements are made, problems often arise out of disagreements about which parent the child should live with. Sometimes these disagreements are brought on by the parents, where one parent believes the child should live with him and not the mother (or vice versa). At other times, the custody disagreement is brought about because the child is expressing the desire to live with the other parent. In most states, the children cannot choose who they would like to live with, but once they reach a certain age, they can petition the courts to reconsider the custody placement.

Courts will consider a child’s preference at a certain age

In New York, once a child reaches the age of discretion (age varies, but typically 13), he or she can petition the court to modify the custody order. The court will take his or her preference into account along with many other factors. Ultimately, it is not the decision of the child, but rather the decision of the court. The court will review the current situation, considering each parent’s stability, ability to provide for the child, parent’s involvement in the child’s life, the parent’s lifestyle, and other factors. If the parent in question proves to be a stable and willing provider, the court may appoint that parent custody of the child.

Unfit parenting

Some children choose to live with the non-custodial parent because they find their custodial parent to be unfit. Perhaps the custodial parent is frequently absent from the home or does not involve himself or herself in the activities of the child, or even worse, the parent becomes abusive (physically, verbally, or emotionally), or has a drug or alcohol problem. Frequently it is the non-custodial parent who brings up the petition for a custody modification due to concerns for the child’s welfare. If this is the case, the parent and/or child would have to prove to the court that the parent is unfit and ask for custody to be reassigned to the other parent.

Parent never home

A child who is left at home without a parent’s supervision may ask to be placed in the non-custodial parent’s care. Although it is not common, there are times when a custodial parent’s job suddenly requires them to travel out of town, and the child is left home alone. A parent that has a job that requires a lot of travelling may hire a nanny or sitter to care for their child while they’re not home, but the child still prefers the care of a parent. In this type of situation, it is common for the child or the non-custodial parent to petition the court for a custody modification.

Due to the shifting nature of life, there are many situations where a child or a parent feels that he or she should seek a child custody modification. If you or your child is interested in a custody modification in NY, please contact our law offices today.